Why Spiritual Performance Is Hurting Real Healing

Lately I’ve been thinking about how much exaggeration, fakeness, and subtle deceit exists in spiritual groups.

I’ve witnessed people in many spiritual spaces speak in constant fantasy, poetic abstraction, and sugar-coated positivity. And at first, it felt like a breath of fresh air — like finally, I don’t have to be constantly surrounded by negativity and intensity. But over time, I found these spaces made me uncomfortable and even unsafe to be in my fullest expression.

I am not positive and “high-vibe” 24/7.
Does that mean I am not spiritual or enlightened enough?
Is there something wrong with me?

(spoiler alert the answer is NO- you’re human)

As time went on and I built intimate relationships within these communities, I began to see that underneath the smiling faces were crying inner children — begging to be given space to speak. Inner teenagers screaming in rage at the lack of control they feel. And adults, numb and ungrounded, running around trying to make it through life’s journey — their hearts closed, unaware that the high they get from spiritual seeking, or the constant focus to ascend, is actually a bandaid solution to their inner emptiness. A quick fix for the ego to feel in control, to feel powerful, and to feel worthy of love.

I feel nothing but compassion for these people.
Because I am aware of the global systems in place that keep us all in survival — chasing the next external source of pleasure, safety, or belonging.

In a way, we learned to override our humanness.
With lies disguised as exaggeration and a false openness.

It creates illusions.
It creates shame — if someone isn’t able to perform in the same way.
It creates a sense of separation: “I am more magical and spiritual than you.”

For a time, I thought people were supposed to always be polished, well-spoken, going from one breakthrough to the next to “ascend” to a higher dimension. I saw their smiles, their hugs, and their beautifully poetic language… and it fooled me.

I tried to be that too, for a time.
But I’m realizing — I’ve been becoming a performer as well.

And I don’t want that.

I want real, authentic human connection.

Now, I’m still going after what I was looking for in those spiritual communities — love, connection, belonging, the desire to share magic and inner experiences with beauty — but I’m making it real and true. I’ve learned to be honest with myself about my internal state. That doesn’t mean I am perfect — not at all. But I’ve learned to make space for all of me to exist. Especially the flawed, human, and messy parts.

And if there is no poetry or beauty to my truth, I shouldn’t force it.
Poetry is the art of stating deep inner truths with descriptive language that evokes emotion.

And trust me — there is nothing more moving than a raw human experience.

So if you're new to the spiritual world, don’t be fooled by over-exaggerations that make you feel less than, or not enough.
You most certainly are.

Your truth is your magic.
And you get to choose how you want to express the wonderland within you.